


This love is alive back from the dead

by toflowerknights



Series: this love [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Homophobia, Immortality, Infidelity, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-02-28 19:26:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2744297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toflowerknights/pseuds/toflowerknights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was always a tragic ending, and Finn always said "I think I love you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	This love is alive back from the dead

**Author's Note:**

> *old lady voice* it's been 84 years.
> 
> okay, i'm at it again. this thing has taken me more than a month to put together and now it's finally done!
> 
> i haven't stated any specifics in this story, seeing as i know next to nothing about historical accuracy and i'd rather keep the small amount of pride i have left.

Time was a concept completely foreign to Bellamy. He had learned early on that he wasn't bound to it in the same ways other people were. He and his sister Octavia first started noticing it when they were in their thirties and they still looked like teenagers. Their mother had disappeared years earlier, so they had no one to ask what was happening to them, or how this was even possible. They learnt how to survive and when to move on to another city. Octavia's dreams of being a famous actress died early on, when she realised that no amount of pretend botox injections would make a sixty five year old woman look like eighteen.

Bellamy adapted easier than his sister. He felt that it was kinda freeing to build up a life and then after a year he could change and become someone completely new. He had every degree he could think of and he could drop them and pick them back up again whenever he wanted. He had been on more adventures than he could remember and seen parts of the world people could only dream of seeing. It had been more than enough.

Until the first time he met Finn.

 

-

 

He had been walking along the road, feet bare and face dirty. Bellamy had been riding along in his carriage and seen the man struggle to make his way to the city, which laid many miles ahead. He had ordered his driver to stop the carriage and opened the door.

"Pardon me," Bellamy had said in a clear voice which had made the stranger on the road had turned his face toward him, momentarily blinded by the sun. Bellamy had felt his breath catch in his throat. Underneath the dirt and dehydration Bellamy could see big, hazel eyes and full lips pressed together. There was a tug in his chest and somehow Bellamy felt all words escape him. His heart hummed in wonder and a feeling Bellamy couldn't explain. He felt the same thing whenever he was with Octavia, but this was different, more raw, in a way. The way that left your heart bleeding, without anyone to help you pick up the pieces. Bellamy didn't understand why, but the stranger felt like home.

"Um," he said dumbly and the man scrunched his nose in confusion mixed with amusement. "Do you, do you need a ride to the city?"

It was all he could think of and the man's face opened up in surprise before he tentatively looked into the carriage. "I fear I'm not presentable enough for... your company," the man said and his voice was a deep rasp that made Bellamy shiver despite the heat.

"Nevermind that," Bellamy waved away. "This isn't a trick, just... let me do you this kindness and you'll never have to see me again. You must be tired."

The man had still not been fully convinced, but the thought of getting to rest his legs seemed to win over his suspicions. He allowed Bellamy to pull him into the carriage and sat down with a loud and pleased sigh. Bellamy ignored the vibrations he felt through his body and waved for his driver to continue on his journey. The strange tightness in his chest refused to go away.

"My name is Bellamy," he offered without taking his eyes of the man in front of him. It earned him a small smile as the man caressed the fabric lining his seat with slight wonder. Bellamy felt dizzy, like he couldn't get enough oxygen to his brain and everything seemed to revolve around the stranger in front of him.

"Well, Bellamy," the man said and lifted his head and Bellamy felt his heart pound against his chest when he saw the heat in his eyes. He was sure that he was blushing. "My name is Finn."

 

If you had asked him, Bellamy wouldn't have been able to say how it happened. But suddenly Finn was walking through the entrance of Bellamy's home staring at the grandness with thinly veiled wonder, leaving Bellamy to quietly trail behind him.

"Is this all yours?" Finn said and cast a glance over his shoulder. Bellamy nodded quietly and that made Finn's lips curl up into a smirk. "Would you care to show me around?" Bellamy nodded and tried not to notice the way his servants followed them with their eyes as they walked further into the house. Finn stayed close to Bellamy, he could feel the other man brush up against his side every time the moved around another corner.

Bellamy told him about all the rooms, about the art and everything he could think of and Finn listened with rapt attention and interest. They walked for what Bellamy felt like was hours, and for the first time in his life he felt as if time was going too fast, that it was going to run out. They entered the main living room and a servant came up to them with silent steps.

"Master Blake," she said politely. "It's ready."

"Ah, wonderful," Bellamy smiled and turned toward Finn. "I had them draw a bath for you. We can finish the tour later."

Finn let himself be lead away, but as he moved out the door he glanced behind him and smiled at Bellamy. "Good, you haven't even showed me where you sleep yet."

He left Bellamy weak in the knees clutching the doorframe and Bellamy didn't know if he imagined it, but he thought he could hear Finn laugh down the corridor.

 

Finn found him some time later, nose down in a book and heart pounding wildly in his chest. Bellamy had been pacing the whole time, before forcing himself to calm down. Just as his heart had stopped it frantic pounding he heard a muted knock and when he looked up Finn was leaning in the opening. He had the same gentle smile on his face as always and his tanned skin stood in perfect contrast against the white marble. Dressed in the clothes Bellamy had provided for him he looked like a king and Bellamy thought he had never seen anything as beautiful as him before.

"So..." Finn said and took heavy steps into the room. "These are your quarters?"

"It is," Bellamy confirmed hoarsely. He got up from the bed and met Finn halfway. They stopped inches in front of each other and Bellamy could see droplets of water trail down Finn's neck and his fingers twitch at the urge to wipe them away. To touch Finn.

Finn made the choice for him as he leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Bellamy's neck. Bellamy shuddered at the touch reached out and grabbed the soft fabric of Finn's shirt to steady himself. Finn mouthed hot, wet kisses against his neck and jawline, making Bellamy cover his mouth to keep the needy whimpers in. His back collided with the wall and he let out a surprised sound, and Finn took that as an opportunity to press their bodies together and Bellamy let out a loud moan as he felt Finn's cock against his leg. Bellamy hadn't even been aware they'd been moving.

"Let me hear you," Finn mumbled against his jaw and thrusted his hips against Bellamy's.

It was as a silent gag had been removed from Bellamy's mouth. He spewed filth from his mouth, words he'd never uttered before and Finn teased them out of him like no one had had ever met. He felt his knees give out, but Finn was there to catch him and laughingly lead Bellamy to his bed. His head fell against the soft pillows and Finn quickly straddled his lap to continue his worship of Bellamy's body. Fingers tore at fabric and Bellamy felt cool air hit his chest. Finn's mouth latched onto a nipple and Bellamy arched off the bed as teeth closed around it and Finn tugged.

"Oh, fuck, Finn," Bellamy panted, "Please."

Finn seemed to take this as a signal to stop and Bellamy whined pitifully in protest as Finn leaned up and to look at him. There was something strange in Finn's eyes, something like joy, and Bellamy felt like it was hard to breathe. He was so beautiful!

"I think I love you," Finn whispered and Bellamy let out a choked laugh.

"You barely know me," he replied instead of saying something stupid like I love you too. Finn smiled slightly and shook his head, as if what Bellamy had said was crazy.

He reached up and curled a gentle hand into Bellamy's hair. "I think I do."

His thumb drew silent patterns against Bellamy's temple and Bellamy closed his eyes. Finn kissed Bellamy on the lips this time and it was just as slow as before. As if he wanted to show Bellamy not to be afraid, that it was okay to let go. So Bellamy did.

 

They lived together for nearly twenty years. Twenty years of being best friends and lovers, until Bellamy started noticing lines forming around Finn's mouth and grey hairs showing on his temples. Finn had begun to age and Bellamy felt his heart break a little bit each day. It was the first time that Bellamy accepted that Finn would grow old without him, and eventually die. A small, idiotic, part of Bellamy had thought that maybe Finn would be like him. He had never felt more foolish.

"You look just as beautiful as the day I first saw you," Finn used to joke, but Bellamy could see the confusion in his eyes. For years Finn had seen the man in front of him stay exactly the same, as if he was looking at an old photograph. Bellamy knew that he would start asking questions, had wanted to for a long while. Finn was too curious to be satisfied with living in wonder.

He sent a letter to Octavia, who was traveling Europe, and started to pack his bags. There was something heavy in his chest every time he looked at Finn. He knew Finn could sense it as well, saw him pull away. Finn stopped trying to ask him what was wrong and Bellamy hated himself for making him hurt. Octavia's reply came a few weeks later asking if he wanted to meet up in Germany. If so, she would be in Munich for a few days and would be happy to wait for him. He left that same night, couldn't wait longer. Knew that if he did he would stay, and he couldn't lie to Finn anymore. He knew it would break the other man's heart, but in the end it would be for the best.

That didn't stop him from hurting like hell when Octavia wondered why Finn wasn't with him. And it didn't help that she looked disappointed in him when he told her what he had done.

 

-

 

"Hey, watch it!"

Bellamy swore loudly and jumped back as a car screeched to a halt in front of him. His heart was beating wildly, not from the near-death experience he should, but didn't, have, but from surprise. To keep up appearances he absent-mindedly touched his body to see that everything was in place, snorting to himself as he did so. There was the distinctive sound of a door slamming and a moment later he felt another set of hands on his shoulders.

"Christ, are you okay?"

The man clenched his hands tighter around his shoulders and Bellamy nodded, just to get the stranger to let him go.

"I'm fine," he said and his voice turned into a faint gasp as he looked up at the man in question, convinced that his mind was playing a trick on him. He was younger than he last saw him, his hair was a bit shorter, cheeks a bit fuller, eyes a bit brighter, but there was no doubt about it. This was Finn.

Bellamy felt his knees give out underneath him, and Finn's hands were the only reason he was kept upright. Bellamy's heart was pounding wildly in his chest, the pieces he'd smashed it into so many years ago somehow seemed to glue themselves back together. There was that same pleasant hum in his heart, a feeling he had almost forgotten existed. He reached up to grasp Finn by his jacket to steady himself. Finn was watching him cautious, worried eyes and his grip on Bellamy didn't ease up.

"Are you sure you are alright?" he asked again.

Bellamy nodded slowly, but didn't let go. Then Finn said something that made his heart shatter all over again.

"What's your name?"

When Bellamy didn't reply Finn looked at him with worry. With painful realisation Bellamy understood at once that Finn didn't remember him. That he had no idea of who he was at all. His knees grew weak again, but he forced himself to stay upright.

"Bellamy," he said, but the way his mouth formed the letters made it sound like a question.

Finn gave him a small smile. "Bellamy, I'm Finn. I'm sorry for almost hitting you with my car." His accent was different, Bellamy noticed now, which wasn't strange seeing as Bellamy had moved halfway across the world from where they had lived together.

I'm sorry for leaving you eighty years ago, Bellamy's mind supplied, but he didn't say anything. There was nothing to say.

"I should leave now," he mumbled quietly and pushed against Finn's grip on him. To his dismay Finn let him go almost immediately and Bellamy tried to ignore the cold that spread through him like ice. Finn looked skeptical over his condition but Bellamy managed to give him a shaky smile to show that he would be fine. He turned around and walked back the exact way he came, suddenly not feeling like doing anything other than being within the safety of his home.

"Hey!"

Bellamy drew a deep breath and turned around. Finn was jogging up to him, completely oblivious to the cars piling up behind his on the street. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly when he stopped in front of Bellamy, as if he suddenly wasn't sure what he should say.

"Uh, I just thought..." he began and Bellamy couldn't help but smile when he saw a faint blush spread across his cheeks. "Seeing as I almost did hit you, you should... call? Later tonight, so that I know that you made it through the day. If you want to?"

Bellamy was so stunned that he blacked out for the next three minutes, but when he came to Finn was back in his car and Bellamy had an phone number scribbled across the back of his hand.

 

During the next few months Finn became Bellamy's friend, something Bellamy never thought would happen again. Bellamy spent the first few weeks scared half to death that he would wake up to realise it had all been a dream.

Finn was wonderful. He always was. Bellamy didn't know what it was that made him so irresistible, but he had long ago decided not to dive into that question since he would most likely not get out. Instead he spent countless hours, weeks, months getting to know the love of his life all over again. It was hard, of course, to not hold and kiss Finn like he used to and Bellamy had on countless occasions started to lean forward, before he remembered that Finn wouldn't kiss him back.

Octavia came back to visit and Bellamy actually thought she would die when she saw Finn awkwardly introduce himself for the first time. Bellamy had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing when Octavia actually couldn't get out a single word. After she had pulled him off to the side and with hissed whispers demanded that he told her what was going on, she had been able to relax.

Finn and Octavia became fast friends and every time they met Bellamy was left looking at them with a slightly amused and fond expression, seeing as they always managed to get in deep and intense discussions about everything from history to politics to art. They were becoming a family again, just like they had been.

 

The first time Bellamy kissed Finn it was in one of those moments where he forgot where he was, and it was just a slight brush of lips against lips, but Finn froze against Bellamy's mouth and, with careful hands, pushed Bellamy away. Bellamy's heart sank as Finn got out of the chair he had been sitting in and walked out of Bellamy's apartment. Bellamy was left sitting by the table, staring off into nothing, and he didn't move for quite some time.

The next few days was a haze of too much to drink and too much blaming himself for getting too wrapped up in things that could have been, instead of things that were. Finn was his friend, that should've been enough. Bellamy curled up on his bed and stared at the delicate patterns across the wall and didn't move, once again both loving and hating his body's unwillingness to die, until he heard an insistent knock on his door. With tired steps he walked out to the hallway. He had barely time to unlock the door before it flew up.

"Okay, I've thought about it," Finn said as he burst through Bellamy's front door, and only stopped to take a quick breath and a frowning look around the dirty apartment, "And I think we should do this. You and me, I mean." He paused and made sure that Bellamy was listening before he started again. "I know that you like me, I mean, you kissed me, why wouldn't you? And even though I didn't kiss you back it wasn't necessarily because I didn't want to but more because I didn't know I wanted to... But now I do. Know I want to, I mean. If you still want to, of course."

The last part was said with a insecure scrunch of his nose as he looked at Bellamy. "Well?" he asked impatiently and Bellamy blinked as he realised this was actually happening and not a figment of his imagination.

"Yes," Bellamy said, because that was the only word that he had repeated in his head for the last thirty seconds. But it was enough. Finn gave him a brilliant smile and pulled him in for a kiss. There was a slight release of breath on Bellamy's part, which in turn made Finn relax against him and pull him closer. With his hands tangled into Finn's hair, Bellamy accepted it wholeheartedly when Finn pushed him up against the wall to be closer, get more. Bellamy had trouble thinking about anything other than Finn's hand on his chest, leg between his, hands under his shirt. It was almost too much. As if he had read his mind, Finn broke the kiss and leaned against Bellamy's shoulder as he tired to regain his breath.

"I think we'll have to get you a bath," Finn said and looked at him with a heated gaze and still wandering hands. "You kinda stink."

Bellamy huffed, half in amusement, half offended, but he had to agree. He brushed past Finn and let his fingers trail over his ribcage as he passed. He stopped in the doorway and looked questioningly. "You coming?"

"Oh," Finn said, and a faint blush covered his cheeks. "I... think I'll wait here? If it's alright with you?"

Bellamy looked at him curiously and took in the slightly defensive stance, the constant chewing of his lip, something he always did when he was nervous. Bellamy was at once reminded that Finn might not have been with other men before him. The thought made him flush hot inside and then vow that he would be the last man, and hopefully person, that Finn ever kissed again. He eyed Finn a little longer, before nodding with a small smile.

"Okay," he said simply, "We'll take it slow."

Finn relaxed remarkably and Bellamy knew he had made the right call. He wanted this to be good, better than before, and that didn't include pushing Finn into things he wasn't comfortable doing.

"It's not that I don't want to," Finn reassured him. "Because I do, want to, I just..."

Bellamy walked up to him and placed a final, gentle kiss on his lips. "Good," he whispered roughly. "Because I plan to show you everything."

As he walked into the bathroom he cast a glance over his shoulder and found Finn standing where he left him, frozen in place, blushing furiously.

 

It was actually quite fun, waiting. Bellamy made it into a game of sorts. He would act like a perfect gentleman all day, and when Finn least expected it he would drop a comment about everything he wanted to do with Finn, before leaving Finn to whatever he was doing at that moment. After a while he just had to look at Finn to see a lovely blush spread across his cheeks before it was covered up with a loud cough and a subtle shift in stance. Between this and the heavy make-out sessions they couldn't seem to get enough of Bellamy was more content than he had been in a long time.

"Does it matter to you?" Finn asked one evening when they laid intertwined on the couch together. "That we haven't..."

"Slept together?" Bellamy asked. There was a quiet hum in confirmation and Bellamy shook his head with a smile. "No, why would it? The most important part is that you're here."

Finn played with Bellamy's hand for a while before pushing himself closer. "Good," he said quietly and placed a gentle kiss on Bellamy's chest, right on top of his heart. "I don't want you to go anywhere."

The words struck a chord inside of Bellamy and he tensed momentarily before leaning into Finn's warmth. Sometimes Bellamy thought some part of Finn remembered their past, but he knew that was ridiculous. Still, whenever Finn said things like that there was a small part of Bellamy that refused to give up the hope that Finn would some day wake up and remember everything. Instead of letting his thoughts get the better of him he pressed a kiss to Finn's forehead.

"I'm gonna stay as long as you want me," Bellamy said quietly and tried to ignore the feeling that he would break that promise again.

 

"I've never," Finn gasped. "I've never done anything like this before."

They were laying on Finn's bed and Bellamy had Finn spread out underneath him, mapping out every inch of skin he could find. Finn was a mess and currently had two of Bellamy's fingers inside him. Bellamy kissed his way up Finn's body, before placing a chaste kiss against Finn's collar bone.

Bellamy hummed against his throat and flexed his fingers deep inside Finn, which made him let out a choked moan. "Don't worry, I'll take real. good. care. of you," Bellamy promised with a well placed press against Finn's prostate on each word. "I'll make you feel so good, Finn, don't you worry. You'll be able to feel me for days. Is that what you want?"

His question was met with small, needy moans that made Bellamy shudder to his core. He pulled Finn in for a deep kiss and bit down on his bottom lip as he pulled back. "No, no, no," he hissed against Finn's mouth. "That's not enough. I wanna hear you tell me how much you need this. How much you need me."

"Fuck," Finn gasped and pushed down on Bellamy's fingers. "Please, Bellamy, fuck me. I wanna feel it, I wanna feel you. Please."

Bellamy decided to take pity on him and pulled out his fingers. He tore open the wrapper to the condom and with shaking hands put it on his steadily leaking cock. The same hands grabbed Finn's legs and pushed them up against Finn's chest, which was heaving up and down with each breath Finn took. As he slowly pushed inside he captured Finn's lips in a gentle kiss to distract form the obvious initial discomfort. Finn was gasping against his mouth and Bellamy tangled a hand into his hair and swallowed each sound Finn made.

Normally, if this had been the old Finn, they would already be fucking in a frenzy, all hurried motions and rough mouths, but this time was special and Bellamy didn't want to forget it. Didn't want Finn to forget it. So he took his time. He made sure that Finn felt every thrust vibrate through his body, and Bellamy in turn savored each moan and shiver he pulled out of Finn.

"Talk to me," Bellamy whispered, desperate to make sure that this wasn't a dream, that this was really happening. "Tell me what you feel."

"I... Fuck, feels so good. Bellamy, don't stop, whatever you do don't stop." Finn pulled at Bellamy's hair to make him come closer and Bellamy smiled against his neck as he bit down on the soft skin. "Fuck, Bellamy. You feel so good, your cock feels so good. Wanna keep you inside me forever, fuck, Bellamy, I think I love you."

It was those words that made it end painfully soon. Bellamy came hard, wind knocked out of him and with a choked moan he collapsed on top of Finn. A loud grunt made him aware that Finn came as well, and the grip on his hair tightened painfully as he worked through the aftermath. His grip eased up after a while and fell to Bellamy's shoulders, where Finn wrapped his arms around Bellamy in a tight embrace.

Bellamy tasted salt on his tongue, and when he touched his face he realised he was crying. He hid his face in the crook of Finn's neck to compose himself, but when he tried to pull out Finn's legs around his waist tightened.

"Don't," he said with a yawn. "Not yet. Wanna feel you inside me a little longer."

Not one to deny Finn anything Bellamy stayed put, and after a while Finn's breath evened out. He slowly eased out and kissed Finn gently on the forehead before getting out of bed. He threw away the condom, cleaned himself up and walked back out with a towel to wipe away the worst of the mess on Finn's body. With gentle, careful hands, so that he wouldn't wake Finn up, Bellamy cleaned him off before crawling back into bed.

Finn instantly curled up against him and nuzzled the sensitive skin underneath Bellamy's jaw.

"I meant what I said, you know," he said sleepily. "I think I love you."

 

Bellamy snuck out before Finn woke up and paced the porch outside Finn's home. Sun had just started to rise and it painted the street in a pale yellow light. Bellamy was going back and forth between escaping or going back in. Naturally, the right thing to do would be to walk back in and crawl into bed next to Finn. Bellamy didn't know what was stopping him.

Foot steps tore him from his thoughts and when he looked back he saw Finn standing shirtless in the doorway. A rush of heat pooled in his belly when he saw the marks he had left on Finn's body stand in stark contrast against the pale skin.

"Hi," Finn said quietly and ran a hand through his tousled hair. It was standing in all possible directions and it was disgustingly adorable.

Finn walked up to him and placed his chin on Bellamy's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around Bellamy's waist. "Are you freaking out?" he asked as they watched the street wake up in front of them.

Bellamy shook his head slightly and covered Finn's hands with his own. "Maybe a little," he admitted. He gripped Finn's hands harder to ensure that he didn't pull away. "I don't know why it's just... I guess I still can't believe that you're here."

Finn chuckled against his shoulder and pressed a quick kiss against it. "I'm here," he promised. "I'm not going anywhere. And I'd really appreciate it if you didn't either." His fingers curled into the fabric of Bellamy's shirt and pressed him closer. Bellamy closed his eyes and leaned back.

"I can't help but think that I'll let you down," he confessed slightly and he heard Finn sigh behind him.

"Bellamy," Finn said quietly and pushed at Bellamy to make him turn around. He pushed Bellamy up against the banister and cradled his face in his hands. "I love you. I want to be with you. And that means that I'll stand by your side even if you do things I might not agree whole heartedly with. All I ask is that you do the same."

Bellamy smiled slightly. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Finn's lips. Finn's arms were immediately wrapped around his neck and he pulled him closer, deeper into the kiss. Bellamy let the kiss go on for a while, before gently pushing Finn away so that they wouldn't start something they couldn't finish. Finn leaned his head against Bellamy's shoulder once more and took deep breaths to calm himself down. After a minute he took a step back and looked up at Bellamy with adoring eyes.

"I never said it out loud, did I?" Bellamy asked and Finn blinked at him.

"Said what?" he replied.

Bellamy studied him quietly for a moment before smiling back at Finn. "I love you too!"

 

Things came to an abrupt end a few months later when Finn caught a cold that wouldn't go away. They went to see the doctor in town who told them there was not much to do. The epidemic that had spread throughout the country had no cure. The casual tone in his voice made Bellamy want to strangle him, but Finn put a cold hand on his arm and told him that they should get on home. Bellamy tried to protest, but Finn shook his head and told him that he wanted to die at home instead of a hospital bed.

As if traveling through a haze Bellamy lost track of time and didn't come out of it until Finn closed the front door. There was a slight whining sound heard through the hallway, and when Finn put his arms around him Bellamy realised that it was him. He clawed at Finn's shirt to get him closer and let out tiny, hiccuping sobs against Finn's neck.

"It's okay," Finn said wearily and when Bellamy shook his head he nodded. "Yes, it is. You'll get through this Bellamy. I know you will."

"I can't," Bellamy cried. He couldn't. Not again. He had barely made it through the last time he left Finn and now it was happening all over again.

Cold hands grasped his face and it was enough of a shock that he snapped out of his panic. Gentle fingers wiped away his tears and Finn made comforting, hushing noises the silence the ugly sobs deep inside Bellamy's chest.

"Okay, listen to me," he said calmly, and Bellamy saw how tired he was. His face was pale, with deep, dark circles underneath his eyes and he was covered in a thin layer of sweat. "I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed. And when I wake up you won't be here."

Bellamy blinked. "What?" he asked, stunned.

"Bellamy, this is a virus. It spreads," Finn sighed and let go of Bellamy. His jaw was set, as if this was something he had decided days ago. "I don't want you to get it."

"There is no way I'm leaving."

"I don't want you to die," Finn snapped, and for the first time in months he was angry. "I won't let you."

Bellamy felt the irony deep in his bones and he shook his head. "I'm not leaving you," he said lowly. "Not aga-" He closed his mouth before he could finish the sentence.

Finn looked at him tiredly and then shook his head. "I'll kill you if you die," he warned and Bellamy nodded quietly.

"Got it," he replied, and followed Finn into the bedroom. They crawled under the covers, Finn curled up on his side and Bellamy spooning him from behind. Finn shivered, covered in sweat, without interruption and Bellamy held him closer to try and share some of his pain. They fell asleep, side by side, mumbling things they probably should have told each other months before, but somehow never did.

Bellamy woke up the following morning.

Finn didn't.

 

-

 

After that there were hundreds of years where Bellamy would find Finn and they would fall in love all over again. There was never a pattern Bellamy could go on, never a mold that seemed to fit his situation. He learned to trust his instinct of where to go next and it never failed to reward him. Bellamy often thought that it would be better if he never found Finn again, but knew that there was nothing he could do but find him. It was the one thing that kept him going. Sometimes it was easy, and sometimes it was hard. There were times where decades went by where he traveled the world, alone, looking for Finn. Octavia had since long given up hope that she could talk some sense into him and followed her brother, choosing to see it as a big adventure.

Sometimes Bellamy wondered if he was cursed. If he had done something in a previous life, so long ago, and was now forced to live this life watching the love of his life die time and time again. He didn't know what it said about him though, seeing as he actively searched for Finn and chose to be a part of his life each time. But it was as if Finn was this big puzzle, and with every life he got another piece to add. One thing was always painfully the same.

There was always a tragic ending, and Finn always said "I think I love you."

 

-

 

Bellamy didn't know why he was still surprised, after all these years. He had walked across the campus to get home faster from the store when he saw something in the corner of his eye. Determined to find out if his suspicions were true he changed his path and walked closer to the person who had just existed the university doors. His breath hitched slightly when he saw that it really was Finn standing a few feet away from him. Bellamy didn't approach. Instead he chose to watch as Finn walked past him to the parking lot and drove away. Bellamy was left with a pounding heart and a welcoming familiar flutter in his chest.

With hurried steps Bellamy walked into the university. He found the information desk and with a charming smile and a minor donation he soon had everything he needed on Finn Collins. He walked home with easy steps and grinned widely at Octavia, who was lounging on the couch, face deep in a book.

"Oh, no," she said casually. "What did you take?"

Bellamy rolled his eyes and hung up his coat. "Nothing, asshole," he said and slumped down next to her. He was silent for a moment before telling her the truth. "I saw him today."

"Joy," Octavia said in a monotone voice, not once removing her gaze from the pages, too familiar with this conversation to be fazed anymore. "What is he this time? A doctor? Desperately in love with someone else and it's your mission to make him fall in love with you?"

When Bellamy didn't immediately reply she lifted her eyes and met Bellamy's with a raised eyebrow. Bellamy bit his lip and knew that he would never hear the end of this.

"He teaches modern literature and I... sorta signed up for his class." He closed his eyes, leaned back into the couch and waited for the inevitable reaction.

"He's a teacher? You're in school?" Octavia laughed out loud and Bellamy stuck out his tongue. "Are you the teacher's pet, Bellamy?"

Bellamy threw a pillow at her, which she easily dodged. "What would you suggest, then?" he asked. "This is perfect. That way I get to see him-"

"Be your teacher," Octavia interrupted. "I don't think teacher and student relationships are vastly accepted, do you?"

Bellamy didn't reply, which soon proved itself to be a mistake since it gave Octavia more time to ask him questions he didn't want to answer.

"How old is he?"

Bellamy mumbled out an answer and Octavia's lips spread into a wide grin. "What was that, dear brother?"

"He's forty two," Bellamy said and leaned further back into the couch. Octavia grinned widely and bit her lip to hold back the stream of things she most likely wanted to say.

"To be fair, he's always going to be a fair bit younger than you," she instead said as calmly as possible.

Bellamy glared at her. "I look like I'm in my early twenties at best," he retorted. "Being immortal won't help me here. He will still only look at me like I'm a child."

 

Bellamy was a bundle of nerves as he sat down near the front before his first class with Finn. He had no doubt he would do well, seeing as he had been alive when every book they would study was written. It was the prospect of being in close proximity to Finn once again that made him unable to sit still.

"Nervous?" a voice to his right said, and when he cast a quick glance to the person next to him he saw a guy smile back at him. "I'm Nathan," he said and stuck his hand out.

"Bellamy."

"So, Bellamy," Nathan said and leaned closer, "What do you think-"

He was abruptly cut off as the doors opened and Finn walked in. Bellamy's breath caught in his throat and everything except for Finn was gone from his mind. With long, sure steps Finn walked up to a big desk and placed his briefcase on top of it. He had strands of grey in his hair, Bellamy noticed, as well as some lines around his mouth. Bellamy shifted subtly in his seat to hide his rather unfortunate arousal. Finn started to speak and his deep voice made ripples across Bellamy's skin. Bellamy had almost forgotten what it sounded like.

This Finn was shyer than the ones he had met before. There was still an air of confidence in his posture, and Bellamy could see that he really loved what he was teaching. But that didn't stop Finn from ducking his head when someone paid him a compliment or wave away the praise he got for his lectures. Bellamy liked that about him.

Bellamy would spend every class, not taking notes, but watching Finn as he wrote down instructions in the same messy scrawl as always. He would watch his back stretch underneath the fabric of his suit, his hair curl at his neck and his ass every time he bent over slightly to pick up his briefcase after every class. He did it enough times that he stopped feeling shame around the second week. He also tried to participate as much as he could in class, to show that he was paying attention. His classmates were always rolling their eyes whenever he raised his hand, and after a while they didn't even try to hide their whispers when they talked about 'Blake's obvious crush on Professor Collins'. Bellamy would've told them to shut up, but then he saw Finn's obvious blush he found that he didn't mind as much.

 

"Mr Blake, please stay behind after class," Finn called out one day as everyone was getting ready to leave. There were scattered snickers heard around the room and Bellamy felt himself heat up in anticipation. He put all of his material into his backpack and then walked the short distance to Finn's desk. Finn was sitting in his chair and writing something and Bellamy waited for a moment before clearing his throat slightly.

"You wanted to see me, Mr Collins?"

Finn startled, as if he hadn't been aware that Bellamy had been so close, and nodded promptly. "Yes, Mr Blake. I wanted to congratulate you on your work. Everything you've handed in have been exemplary." His eyes trailed over Bellamy's body, just for a second, before focusing on his face again.

It was that one look that made Bellamy bold enough. "You know, I was thinking that I could do some extra assignments. Maybe stay behind sometimes," he blurted out, then took a deep breath. "You could... teach me."

The way he said it made it ridiculously clear that he wasn't talking about coursework, and Bellamy wondered where thousands of years of control went. Finn's mouth was slightly agape, as if he hadn't expected Bellamy to be so frank about it. He closed it quickly and licked his lips as he tried to regain some sort of control.

"That's not appropriate," Finn said calmly, though there was a faint blush scattered across his cheeks. "Especially not these days."

Bellamy let a faint smile play on his lips and noticed immediately that it wasn't a no. "But if it was acceptable?" he asked and took a step forward. "Would you teach me then?"

"Are you even legal, kid?" Finn said his eyes flickered from Bellamy's eyes, to his lips, to the closed but unlocked door and back to Bellamy.

Bellamy bit his cheek so that Finn wouldn't see him smile. "I'm older than I look," he said simply and that earned him a small smile.

"Is that suppose to calm me?" Finn asked and Bellamy shrugged slightly.

"I just think it's... unnecessary to do this whole thing where you pretend that you have to think about it, like you don't already know that I'm going to suck your cock beneath your desk within the next three minutes." He didn't know what made him say it, but the way Finn shuddered made it all worth it. Bellamy fought back his blush and walked up to the desk and leaned back against it between Finn's spread legs.

"Isn't that right, Professor?"

With a loud moan Finn tangled his hands into Bellamy's hair before pushing him down to his knees.

 

It was actually kind of exciting to break the rules, Bellamy found out as time went on. Sneaking around and keeping secrets felt really high school to him, but this was grittier, rougher somehow. Besides there was the obvious truth that they were doing something wrong. But stolen kisses and pointed glances made the terror of being found out into a thrill. The only place of safety was hidden away in Finn's apartment where they sometimes would go entire weekends without putting on clothes.

There, intertwined with each other, it was sometimes hard to remember that the outside world existed. When Finn was mapping out the skin of Bellamy's body it was hard to care about the fact that people would probably want them dead.

"You know," Finn said one time as he was kissing his way down Bellamy's body. "You are putting me in so much trouble, just by being here." Bellamy hummed in agreement and tangled his fists into Finn's hair. "I used to be so careful before you came along, and now one look from you makes me want to bend you over in front of the whole class and not think twice about it."

That made Bellamy moan out loud and pressed his body up against Finn's. Even though Finn was shy around other people it was as if that wall broke down the second he got Bellamy alone. Bellamy was sure he had never heard anyone string as many filthy words together as Finn did every time he got his mouth on Bellamy's body. "You'd love it, wouldn't you? You love to show off I can see it every time you come into my classroom like you own it. Or is it the fact that you know I'm gonna finger your tight little ass until you cum that makes you act like that?"

Bellamy was so far gone by that point that all he could do was give out a weak groan. Finn chuckled darkly against his hip bone, where he had been licking the dents and lines of Bellamy's body as he spoke. "Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you? Being spread out for everyone to see. There's just one problem." He started to kiss his way back up Bellamy's body, stopped to bit down on a nipple which made Bellamy gasp out loud, before stopping inches away from Bellamy's mouth.

"You're mine, and I wouldn't be able to control myself if anyone as much as laid an eye on you."

 

The bliss didn't last long though. Worry filled the streets and people didn't talk to each other anymore, there was only hushed whispers. Bellamy and Finn looked on helplessly and watched the world turn grey around them. More people were disappearing every day and Bellamy was worried that things would get worse. He recognized the pattern, understood what was about to happen. The human race couldn't go without war for too long.

Octavia pulled him aside one evening and told him in hushed whispers that they should probably think about leaving the country before it was too late.

"People are talking, Bellamy," she said quietly and eyed Finn who was reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. "It's just a matter of time before things get ugly and we need to leave. Sooner, rather than later."

Bellamy shook his head with a clenched jaw. "Octavia, I can't. I won't leave without him."

"You always leave him," Octavia snapped, and Bellamy was surprised at the harshness of her, however truthful, words. "You always leave, because that's how this works. You find him, you're happy for a couple of years and then you leave. This time you're just cutting it a little bit short."

With a tired, and slightly pained, sigh Bellamy closed his eyes and tried not to let her words get to him. She was right, of course, and that was the worst part. There was no other way it could end, so why prolong the inevitable. He opened his eyes and was just about to say something when he saw the terror in her eyes. Instinctively he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, and her hands clawed at the fabric of his shirt like he would disappear if she didn't hold on.

"They know about him," she whispered quietly. "Or if they don't, they will soon."

She pulled back slightly. "You'll be a target," she whispered. Her eyes were blank and they looked helplessly at Bellamy. "What do you think they would do to someone who can't die?"

Bellamy pulled her in for another hug and wrapped his hand around the back of her head. There was a deep ache in his chest, as there always was when it was time to move on, and he closed his eyes tightly so that he wouldn't be able to see Finn curiously look at them from behind his paper.

"We'll leave," Bellamy whispered, mouth against Octavia's hair and he could hear her gasp with relief. "Let me just... Let me talk to Finn. If he wants to come with us or not. He's not safe here."

Octavia pulled back and with a teary smile she gave him a curt nod before walking back into her room.

 

That night Bellamy walked with Finn the rather uncomfortable distance to Finn's apartment. People looked at them as they passed. Some of them even went out of their way not to bump into them. They didn't talk about it, but it was obvious in Finn's tight shoulders that he was both irritated and humiliated. A lot of things had changed in the past few months and Bellamy now knew that there was no hope for it to get better.

As they went to bed Bellamy mentioned what he and Octavia had been talking about earlier that day. Finn pulled off his shirt and looked at Bellamy with a thoughtful frown on his face.

"Maybe it would be for the best," he said. "To leave. God knows things aren't as they used to. And from the looks of it it's not getting better."

Bellamy nodded tightly and crawled under the covers. Finn soon followed and Bellamy hissed slightly as cold feet touched his legs. "We could start over," he said and brushed Finn's hair out of his eyes. "We could be whoever we want."

Finn gave him a small smile. "Bellamy," he said quietly. "I think I love you."

Bellamy froze, unprepared for the words and how to properly reply. "I-I love you too!" was what came out and sadness seeped into Finn's eyes.

"I just wanted you to know," he said quietly and caressed Bellamy's cheek.

 

They made preparations. Octavia made contact with people all over the world and soon they had train tickets that would take them far away two weeks later. Meanwhile, both Finn and Bellamy kept up appearances and they went on with their lives as usual.

One day there was a knock on Finn's classroom door and uniformed men stepped inside. The casual chatter that had been heard through the classroom died and everyone stared with a mixture of discomfort and horror in their eyes. Bellamy couldn't breathe.

"Mr Collins?" they asked roughly. Finn gave them a silent nod, jaw clenched. "You are requested to come with us."

Bellamy felt a chill run down his spine and watched helplessly as Finn turned his attention back to the class, who sat silent. "Class seems to be dismissed," he said clearly, but there was a slight tremor to his voice. He packed his belongings into his briefcase and with one last glance at Bellamy he followed the men out.

The next day Bellamy had a new teacher and he never saw Finn again.

 

-

 

Bellamy was at a club, hidden away underground that accepted people like him. Around him was a sea of half naked bodies covered in sweat and Bellamy searched the crowd for someone that would be a good way to spend his time. He had been there for the better part of the evening and no one had seemed like a serious option. Nothing that he wouldn't regret in the morning.

He pushed himself off the wall, downed his drink and made his way to the restroom. He pushed through the crowds, ignored the wandering hands and was momentarily blinded by the bright lights of the restroom. He walked over to the urinal and unzipped, all while trying to not to show that he was casually looking at all the men making use of the stalls lining the walls.

Just as he zipped up his pants a man stopped next to him and made no secret of the fact that he was checking Bellamy out.

"Nice cock, man!"

"Fuck off!" Bellamy replied automatically and cast a glance to his right. He froze as he felt the hook set into his heart, and Finn cockily smiled back at him where he had just zipped up his pants.

"Jesus fuck," Bellamy breathed, mouth agape, and Finn's smile turned into a pleased smirk.

"You can call me Finn." Bellamy would have laughed at the stupid pickup line, but Finn said it with such confidence that he made it sound hot. Just as he was about open his mouth in reply he felt Finn place his hand between Bellamy's legs, and every coherent thought left his mind.

Finn pushed him up against the wall with a hand around his neck, and he swallowed every sound that escaped from Bellamy's lips. "You're so fucking gorgeous," he whispered against Bellamy's neck. "Been watching you the whole night. Saw how fucking needy you are for it." He captured every breathy moan Bellamy couldn't help but release and swallowed them whole.

Bellamy was way too high for this. All he could even begin to focus on started and ended with Finn. Finn's mouth against his neck, his hair against his cheek. His hand around his throat.

It was as if that fact sent a pulse of electricity through Bellamy's body. "Fuck," he moaned and rubbed against the thigh Finn had seemed to get in between his legs at some point. Finn laughed against his mouth and let Bellamy ride his thigh like some horny teenager and held Bellamy up as he came. His hands roamed Bellamy's body and touched, pulled, worshipped everything he could get his hands on.

"You should take me home, sweetheart," Finn whispered wetly against his neck and bit down on the soft skin.

Bellamy nodded fervently. "Bellamy," he gasped. "My name is Bellamy."

Finn laughed quietly in the crook of his neck. "Bellamy," he whispered intensely. "Take me home so I can fuck you trough the mattress."

And who was Bellamy to deny such a convincing argument.

Afterwards, when they laid pressed together, slick with sweat Finn looked at Bellamy like he never had truly seen him before. "I think I love with you," he said in amazement and dragged a hand through his sweaty hair, leaving his face open and honest.

Bellamy felt his heart break and hid his face in the crook of Finn's neck. "It's alright," he said in a whisper. "I love you too."

 

When he woke up Finn is gone and Bellamy was left feeling slightly out of place. The hook that was permanently set in his heart tugged and a quiet ache spread through his body like a disease. He got out of bed, caught his reflection in the mirror and blushed heavily when he saw the marks left on his body by Finn. A slightly smudged ink stain covered his shoulder and when he looked closer he saw that it was a phone number.

'Call me and I'll suck your dick again'

Bellamy grinned widely and felt really warm at the thought of Finn writing his number on his bare skin as he was sleeping. He rubbed it gently and then went to find a pen to write it down properly.

He called Finn as he was chewing on a sandwich, and nearly choked on it when Finn replied almost immediately.

"Tell me I'm pretty and I'll give you a blow job for free."

Bellamy coughed from the shock and managed to gasp out "Finn?"

"Oh, Bellamy, I was hoping you'd call," Finn said cheerfully and Bellamy felt his heart swell. "You wanna meet up?"

Bellamy knocked on Finn's door an hour later and was immediately pulled in and pushed up against the wall.

"You took an awful long time," Finn said and buried his head in the crook of Bellamy's neck. "I was getting impatient."

Bellamy pushed down a moan as Finn got down on his knees and fumbled with Bellamy's fly. His head fell back against the wall as Finn mouthed along the length of his cock before swallowing it down fully. He let his hands fall onto Finn's head and tangle themselves in his hair. It was longer than he usually wore it, Bellamy thought to himself and let out a disappointed groan as Finn pulled back.

"I want you to fuck my mouth, not act like you're in church," Finn said loudly.

"I'm scared of the kind of churches you go to," Bellamy muttered and tightened the grip on Finn's hair before forcing his cock between his lips once more. Finn let out a little laugh and Bellamy moaned as the vibrations settled right in his core. Bellamy lost himself in the wet suction of Finn's mouth and felt his knees get weak. Finn smiled slightly, as if he knew exactly how Bellamy felt and that he was the sole reason for it. It was almost embarrassing how wrapped he was around Finn's finger. One smile and he was ready to drop everything for the man in front of him.

Finn pulled back, and Bellamy barely had time to protest before Finn turned him around and pressed his torso up against the wall. Bellamy hear Finn spit in his hand, before reaching down and he lightly scratched Bellamy's balls before pressing them against the rim of Bellamy's ass. With a low thud Bellamy's head fell forward as Finn pushed past up to the first knuckle and then kept going. A second finger soon joined it and Bellamy nearly blacked out when he felt Finn's tongue lick a long stripe from his balls up to his ass.

"Fuck," he cried out and Finn hummed in agreement.

Everything became a blur of Finn's fingers, tongue and teasing words and Bellamy barely reacted when he felt Finn get up, except for a long groan as Finn entered him.

"You feel so fucking good," Finn breathed heavily and fucked Bellamy harder, faster, rougher. His hand found Bellamy's hair and he roughly pulled Bellamy's head back to get better access to Bellamy's neck. Bellamy, who was too distracted by Finn's cock repeatedly hitting his prostate to complain and pushed back against Finn to get more, feel more. Finn dug his teeth into the soft skin of Bellamy's shoulder and Bellamy let out an embarrassing keen that quite obviously said more. He could feel Finn smile against his shoulder.

"You're so fucking needy, aren't you?" he whispered, "You can't even help it. Just need it so bad."

Bellamy found himself nodding fervently and in the back of his mind he realised that they might not be talking about the same thing. But Finn bit down on his shoulder once more and Bellamy came.

When they cleaned themselves off, pants down around their ankles and glanced at each other with semi-awkward smirks Bellamy wondered what would happen next. Was there some sort of code they were supposed to follow? What etiquette was there to when your spunk was covering another dude's wall?

"So, I'll talk to you later?"

Finn's voice woke Bellamy from his thoughts, and at first he wasn't sure he had heard him correctly.

"What?" he asked, just to make sure.

"Yeah, I mean. I have to run, I'm meeting some friends. But this was great!"

The next thing Bellamy knew he was standing outside the door, feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut. He forced himself to leave, because he had a feeling that still be standing there when Finn got out would classify as pathetic.

Bellamy had told himself that he wouldn't answer the next time Finn called, but twenty minutes later there was a knock on his door and Finn was let into the apartment. He rimmed Bellamy within an inch of his life and then fucked him so fucking good Bellamy screamed into his pillow. Then he was gone.

That quickly became a routine. Finn came over every other day and left Bellamy panting, covered sweat, wondering what the hell happened. Sometimes they would meet at a bar, or a club, and they would drink themselves stupid before tumbling 

"You know he's playing you, right?" Octavia asked sourly once after she had walked in on them in a very compromising, naked situation. "He knows you'll put out and he's too lazy to work for it. He doesn't want you for more than sex, Bel."

"I don't like this Finn," she said shortly and walked out of the apartment, leaving Bellamy with a lump in his throat and a slowly sinking heart.

Finn called him later that evening, but Bellamy didn't pick up. The procedure repeated itself three times before Bellamy turned his phone off. Bellamy didn't know if he should feel good or bad about that. Still, he congratulated himself on not throwing himself on the phone and calling him back.

His life went on. The next week Finn called him every other day and Bellamy refused to answer. He spent a lot of time with Octavia who looked like a mixture of pride and pain. Finn called him twice the Saturday after Bellamy had stopped answering, before he stopped. Something cold spread through Bellamy's veins, and he wondered if that was the last he would hear from Finn.

Thirty minutes later there was a knock on his door and when he opened it Finn was staring back at him.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked before Bellamy could even open his mouth, and he actually sounded upset. "'Cause if I have, you have to tell me what it is."

At Bellamy's incredulous stare he huffed and pushed past him. "Why haven't you returned my calls?"

"Maybe I didn't want to talk to you," Bellamy said slowly, testing out the lie. It sounded off, even to him, and he could see that Finn didn't believe a word he said. "Okay," he added. "Maybe I didn't want to be the guy you go to just because you're bored."

"Do you think that's why I'm here?" Finn asked in disbelief and Bellamy couldn't help but snort out loud.

"Finn, do you even know anything about me besides the fact that I look good naked?"

Finn smirked slightly. "You certainly think a lot of yourself-"

"Do you even know my last name?" Bellamy interrupted, and after thinking about it for a while a blush spread across Finn's cheeks. "I thought as much." He made a waving motion toward the door, indicating that Finn should leave.

Finn didn't move.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked quietly. He refused to look at Bellamy, but there was nothing stopping Bellamy from seeing how scared Finn was. His hands were clenched into fists and his shoulders were pulled tight.

"I want you to tell me something honest, for once;" he said simply and Finn's head flew up, eyes wide.

Bellamy looked at him patiently, but when Finn didn't say anything he sighed loudly and turned toward the door again.

"Okay."

Finn was biting his lip, hard enough to leave dents and he was rubbing his neck. "I'll tell you this one thing and we never talk of it again, agreed?" he asked roughly and Bellamy nodded once.

"My parents weren't to keen on having a faggot for a son, and the friends I had kinda disappeared when I told them I like guys." The words were hurried and Bellamy had to think them over twice before he realised what they meant. Finn was alone.

He looked back at Finn, who was staring at him with wide eyes. Bellamy knew Finn was just waiting for Bellamy to ask him things he didn't want to answer.

"You wanna watch a movie?" he asked and Finn relaxed and gave him a small, crooked smile.

"That would be nice."

 

"You're so fucking beautiful," Finn gasped against his lips and Bellamy thought he might cry. He pushed Finn up against the wall and rubbed his hands wherever he could get them. A leg lodged itself between Finn's legs and he swallowed Finn's moans with his mouth.

"We need to get back to your place," he mumbled against Finn's lips, but Finn shook his head.

"No, fuck, Bellamy. I don't care, I need you now!"

Bellamy couldn't help but laugh, sound still muffled by the soft skin of Finn's lips, but he nodded in agreement. "Fuck, fine."

He got his hands up under Finn's shirt and pushed it up over Finn's torso, before Finn gave him a wicked smile. The next thing he knew Finn had turned them around and pushed Bellamy up against the wall while simultaneously tearing open his fly. "You're so fucking pretty," Finn mumbled. "Can't believe it. All mine."

There was a loud crash on the busy street beside them, but they didn't care. Bellamy moaned loudly and pulled Finn closer. "Yours," he breathed. He could feel Finn smile against his neck.

He saw a shadow in the corner of his eye and before he could react Finn was torn off of him. Three large men stood between him and Finn, who was now clutching his stomach, crouched together on the ground. He saw one of the men raise his leg, high over Finn's head and slam it down in a perfect hit. Finn screamed out and Bellamy jumped forward, straight into one of the men attacking him.

A hand wrapped around his throat and shoved him against the wall and his head hit the concrete behind him. He slumped down against the wall and barely had time to regain focus before he heard Finn cry out again.

"Don't hurt him," Bellamy rasped out and a shoe collided with his temple, making him cry out.

"Fucking faggots," someone bit out and Bellamy felt another blow to the head before everything turned black.

 

He woke up to a strange beeping sound. With much effort he managed to open his eyes and was momentarily blinded by the bright light of the hospital room he was laying in. A slow turn of his head to the side shows Octavia curled up in a chair, staring out the window. Her cheeks were wet with tears and she looked as if she hadn't slept for days.

"O?" he croaked out, and Octavia's head snapped to him.

"Oh, thank god," she breathed and got up from the chair. She walked over to the bed and gripped Bellamy's hand. "I was so worried."

He let her kiss his forehead and tried to estimate the damage done to his body. He could see Octavia's lips trembling, and came to the conclusion that it must've been pretty bad. "What happened?" he asked.

She didn't say anything for a while, but Octavia's grip around his hand tightened. "They found you in an alley," she said quietly. "Barely recognizable. It took them three days to even contact me..." 

Octavia bit her lip before taking a deep, shuddering breath. "I was so fucking worried, Bel," she said, and she couldn't even look at him. "There was  _so_ much blood."

"I'm okay," Bellamy answered automatically, but Octavia shook her head roughly.

"I thought you'd never wake up..." She whispered and Bellamy could see a new wave of tears building. "I've never seen you like this, you. It was so bad. I, I thought you..."

"O," Bellamy said quietly, "He didn't make it, did he?"

Octavia didn't say anything, didn't have to, and Bellamy nodded silently.

"Okay," he said. "Okay."

-

 

"Mister, could you hand me that, please?"

Bellamy looked down at the football laying next to the bench he was sitting on and folded his newspaper in half before reaching down to pick the ball up. He planted a pleasant smile on his face and as he reached out to hand the ball over to the boy he felt a hook set in his heart. The smile on his face froze and the grip on the ball turned into a claw, fingers digging into the leather.

"Mister?" The smile on the boys face faltered slightly and Bellamy hurried to widen his smile and eased the grip on the ball.

"You better be careful where you toss it," Bellamy said, and praised himself when his voice didn't shake. Finn gave him a toothy smile before running back to his dad. Bellamy forced himself to get up from the bench and over to his car. Otherwise he didn't know if would have been able to leave.

There's no way he can stick around this time. Inserting himself in a child's life, no matter if he's his soul mate or not, is not only disturbing but also incredibly stupid.

So Bellamy waited. He knew it's fucked up to wait for a child to grow up, so he moved out of town and tried not to think of the kid that lived five hours away. Octavia came to stay with him for a while and told him that she would make him enjoy life even if it would kill her. She had a man with her. He's gangly and awkward and made too many jokes, but Bellamy figured he'd be gone soon enough.

Octavia slumped down next to him on the couch between beer cans and pizza cartons and wrapped an arm around him. "You saw him again?" She asked sympathetically and Bellamy couldn't do anything but nod. "What happened this time?"

"He's a fucking child," Bellamy said tiredly and reached for another beer. Octavia's hand on his wrist stopped him.

"So, he's young, you've waited before, haven't you?" she asked casually. "Remember in the early 1900's? I think it took at least 20 years before you saw him."

Bellamy hummed in slight agreement while the guy, Jasper, pulled out book after book in his shelf. "Octavia," he sighed, "That shelf is filled with not only our birth certificates for the last, oh, i don't know, seven hundred years so you might want to keep your boy toy away from my stuff.

Octavia rolled her eyes and turned her head to the side.

"Hey," Octavia said and Jasper jumped slightly but took a step back. "Contain yourself."

Bellamy snorted loudly. "Your bedside manners are getting worse."

"I'm amazing, I have no idea what you're talking about."

 

He waited fifteen years. He checked in every once in a while to make sure that Finn's alive and well, but he never saw him again in that time. He would find Finn, like he always managed to do.

"Whoa, careful."

Bellamy blinked and looked at the dark patch of coffee that spread on the white shirt in front of him and he wanted to smack himself for not watching where he's going.

"Shit, I'm sorry," he apologised and turned around to grab some napkins. Without thinking he reached out and started to rub the napkins against the ruined fabric. "I don't know what happened, I'm really... sorry..." He tried to get the words out, but his voice died when he sees the person standing in front of him.

Shaggy brown hair and hazel eyes smiled back at him and Finn waved him off. "Oh, it's no worries," he said and gave him a cheeky smile. "I was a bit cold anyway." When Bellamy didn't reply Finn cleared his throat slightly and peered at him from under his bangs. "Are you... going to keep rubbing my chest for much longer?"

Bellamy was then all of a sudden painfully aware of the fact that he was still rubbing the napkins against Finn's chest and he jumped back with new apologies. He threw a glance around the coffee shop they were standing in to see if a lot of people had seen him make a complete fool of himself. FInn laughed.

"Don't worry," he said and wrapped his coat around him to hide most of the stains. "I truly enjoyed having you rub yourself against me, but maybe we should try it in a setting that won't get us arrested?"

Bellamy gaped at him, which made Finn let out a laugh again. He leaned forward, touched the fabric of Bellamy's jeans and smiled triumphantly when he found a phone stuffed into one of the pockets. He typed something into the phone, tongue poking out between his teeth and Bellamy couldn't breathe. Finn gave him a radiant smile and handed him his phone back.

"There," he said, "Now you can call me in say... five hours when I get out of class and then you can take me out for dinner. Sounds good?"

Bellamy nodded dumbly and Finn bit his lip as he watched him.

"Great," he continued, "And I'll be looking forward to hearing from you..?"

"Oh," Bellamy said as it dawned on him, "Bellamy. My name is Bellamy."

"Bellamy," Finn smiled. "I'm-"

"Finn, I know." Bellamy blurted out, he shook his phone slightly when Finn frowned. "I'll call."

That was the last thing he said before he rushed out of the coffee shop.

 

There's no reason for Bellamy to keep him waiting, so he sent off a text fifteen minutes later asking him where they should meet. To his relief Finn replied almost immediately and told him that he would be waiting patiently at home for Bellamy to pick him up before taking him out to an amazing dinner. Bellamy rolled his eyes and told Finn that he was expecting a whole lot from someone he just met. Not that Bellamy wouldn't give him anything he wanted.

Dinner was great and Finn was just as lovely as usual, but with the impatient view on life that only came from someone who hadn't lived it for very long. Bellamy couldn't remember the last time he felt like that, or if he ever had. But he liked seeing Finn bounce his foot rapidly against the floor when their food didn't arrive at once. For some reason that was something he thought was incredibly adorable.

He distracted Finn by asking him some questions about himself, and Finn lit up as he talked about his family and friends. Bellamy said stupid things like 'I would love to meet them one day', but it was worth it when he saw the excited blush that spread across Finn's cheeks.

"If you behave, maybe you will," he replied and tried to sound indifferent, and Bellamy nodded quietly to show him that he took the words seriously. They spent the next hour making small talk as they ate and at one point Finn hooked his foot around Bellamy's ankle, which made Bellamy lose focus for the rest of the conversation.

The evening ended outside of Finn's apartment. Bellamy had just started to tell him about Octavia's recent interest in the academics when he was interrupted by Finn's voice.

"Okay, this could end one of two ways," Finn said and turned to face him. "One, you can come up with me and we can have really fucking amazing sex, and that'll be that. Or two, we wait and instead we date the hell out of each other and become that disgustingly cute couple that no one wants to be around. Your choice."

Bellamy slowly leaned forward and let his breath brush Finn's lips, before catching them in a chaste kiss. He thought he heard a disappointed sound escape from Finn's mouth, but that didn't stop him from wrapping his arms around Bellamy's neck and pull him closer. He deepened the kiss with an almost vicious touch to it. Bellamy let it go on for a moment, letting his hands trail over Finn's body, before resting on his chest and gently pushing back.

Finn's lips were cherry red and his eyes unfocused, and he gave Bellamy a confused look.

"I think," Bellamy said slowly, "That I'll go with option two."

Finn frowned at him for a moment before he gave Bellamy a wide smile. "You bastard," he said and shoved Bellamy lightly, before tangling his hands into Bellamy's coat to pull him closer. The kiss was rough, demanding and everything Bellamy wanted. His back hit the cold wall of the apartment building as Finn pushed him up against it, but he couldn't even begin to care as Finn forced a knee between Bellamy's legs and pressed against Bellamy's cock.

Then he was gone.

Bellamy opened his eyes and stared at Finn, mouth slightly agape, and was rewarded with a pleased smirk.

"Thanks for following me home," Finn said. "I'll call."

Then he disappeared inside, leaving Bellamy frozen in place. A few seconds later he shook his head and left with a wide smile on his face.

 

Finn did call.

"You should take me out again."

Bellamy blinked, feeling very disoriented for a moment. "Finn?" he asked and rubbed his eyes free from sleep.

"No, this is your mother," Finn replied with an amused tone, "Yes, it's Finn. And I usually put out on the third date, so you better get to it."

That made Bellamy snort, even though his heart was pounding like crazy. "I'll pick you up in twenty," he said and Finn laughed out loud.

"I might or might not answer the door shirtless," he replied, before hanging up. Bellamy groaned loudly and palmed his cock over his pants, suddenly unbelievably hard.

He jerked of, quick and rough, and then fell into the shower. When he came out Octavia was sitting on his kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal. "You're out of milk," she informed him in greeting.

"Oh, I am, am I?" Bellamy replied with a raised eyebrow. He walked up to her and grabbed the freshly made pot of coffee and poured himself a cup. Octavia nodded cheerfully and ruffled his hair. "So, what's gonna happen today?" she asked and jumped down from the counter. "You look too happy, something's wrong."

Bellamy flipped her off and took a large sip. "I went on a date with Finn last night."

Octavia dropped her spoon. "What the fuck?" she said and punched him in the arm. "Why didn't you tell me? That's the number one rule we have. You find Finn, then you tell me."

"I already did find Finn," Bellamy pointed out. "I just met him again."

"You know what I mean." Octavia glared at him, as she always did when she wasn't pleased with him. Bellamy didn't care. He was meeting Finn and that made him less inclined to listen to disapproving sisters.

"I have to go, I'm meeting Finn," he said and swallowed the last bit of coffee. Octavia waved him off like a parent waving off their child to prom. Happy, and slightly worried.

 

They went on a second date. And a third, and Finn put out as he had promised, and then a fourth, and a fifth and many more after that. Finn wormed his way into Bellamy's life, like he had done so many times before, but this time it was instantaneous. Bellamy barely had time to adjust before Finn was practically living in Bellamy's apartment, claiming that "the water pressure is way better here". It felt so easy that Bellamy actually wondered if this was some great cosmic joke. Things were going too fast, too good and Bellamy was too happy. Octavia spent the better part of her time with them making gagging noises, and Finn's friends from college made fun of them the minute they arrived. Finn had been right when he said that they would be the disgustingly cute couple no one wanted to be around. Bellamy would never admit it, but he was very smug about that fact.

Finn, and his small group of friends, felt like a second family to Bellamy and it made him forget all about the future. It was too easy to forget about everything that would eventually take place, and just be with Finn. And deep down that scared Bellamy.

"I sometimes get the feeling that I'm gonna wake up one day and you won't be here," Finn whispered one evening when they laid in front of the tv watching some crappy romantic comedy. Bellamy froze underneath him and didn't know what to say. Because Finn was right. He would have to leave one day.

"I'll stay," Bellamy whispered against his hair and ignored the tiny voice in his head calling him a liar. But the lie sounded better than 'I'll stay as long as I can'.

Finn tilted his head up and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I think I love you," he said against Bellamy's lips and Bellamy could feel the smile he was wearing. "Bellamy Blake, I think I really fucking love you and if I could marry you I would."

Bellamy stilled and looked at Finn, who was making patterns in Bellamy's shirt. "Don't say that," he said and Finn's smile fell.

"Why not?" he said and there was a hard edge in his voice. "I would-"

"I know," Bellamy said tightly. "But we can't."

Bellamy felt as if he couldn't breathe. He pushed at Finn's torso and his heart broke a little when Finn got off him without arguing. As he sat up Finn looked at him with thinly veiled rage.

"We can't?" Finn asked and his voice shook slightly as he pushed himself further away from Bellamy. "That's it? That's all you're going to say? How about 'I love you too' or 'I want that too'?" He looked positively livid and Bellamy felt the joy drain from his body. Finn looked at him with disbelief. "You don't, do you?"

"Don't be stupid, of course I love you," Bellamy replied loudly. It was the completely wrong way to say it, so he kept going. "I love you, more than anything."

"And still you're not willing to show it," Finn said shortly. "What, are you ashamed of it? Of me? Or of you?"

Bellamy laughed quietly, which really didn't help his case, but he couldn't help it. "I'm not dealing with some internalized homophobia, Finn. I'm just telling you to not paint up some fairytale ending where the two of us ride off into the sunset together."

"Where is this coming from?"

Bellamy got up from the couch and rubbed his face. This was not going the way he planned. Actually, he was fucking it up big time. "Everyone, Finn. Every single one saying that being gay is a disease or a crime. People are looking at us like we're sick, and it doesn't matter how much I love you. How much I would want to marry you."

"You are seriously breaking up with me because you're too scared of what society will think?" Finn gaped.

"I'm not fucking breaking up with you-"

"No, but you are," Finn said and got off the couch. "You just told me that you couldn't see us have a future together. So, what the fuck am I doing here?"

When Bellamy didn't answer he gave out a broken laugh and walked to the hallway. He pulled on his shoes and was out the door just as Bellamy managed to get out a weak 'Finn'. The only response he got was a door slammed in his face. Bellamy was left behind, wondering how the hell his life had managed to get that fucked up in such a short amount of time.

There was a slight cough behind him, and when he turned around he saw Octavia standing in the doorway to her room. She looked uncomfortable, as if she had caught two old people making out. Bellamy raised his eyebrows at her and she shook her head. "Yeah, you fucked that one up pretty bad," she said and walked back in.

 

His phone rang. Bellamy fumbled with his hands over his bed side table and saw Finn's name on the screen.

"What?" he asked, and cleared his throat lowly. There was too much noise in the background. It sounded like Finn was calling him from a club or something, and that made Bellamy feel even more irritated than he already was. "What do you want?

"Bellamy?"

Bellamy sat up straight in his bed, suddenly fully awake. "Roma, what is it?"

There was a broken sob on the other line as Roma, one of Finn's friends, took a deep breath. "There... there was an accident." Roma cried against the phone and Bellamy couldn't breathe. "Finn, he was... he was drunk, he didn't see..."

"See what, Roma?" Bellamy said loudly, heart pounding against his ribcage as he got out of bed. His door opened and Octavia studied at him with a concerned look in her eyes.

Roma's voice was nothing more than a whisper. "There was a car. He didn't see it. He's on his way to the hospital."

She barely had time to give him the name before Bellamy hung up. He was out the door in five seconds, Octavia right behind him. Octavia stole the car keys and drove in record time to the hospital, and Bellamy was out of the car before she had properly put it in park. Together they ran through the corridors and saw their friends at the end of the corridor. They stopped with heavy breaths and looked at the crushed faces of the people around him. Bellamy felt his heart sink.

"No," he breathed.

"He died on the way here," Roma wept brokenly and fell into Monroe's arms.

Bellamy felt numb. Everything around him got blurry and Bellamy didn't know if it was because he was crying, or because he just couldn't seem to focus on anything but the last time he had seen Finn. Angry, and teary eyed as he fled Bellamy's apartment. Octavia pulled him in for a hug, but he didn't return it. There wasn't anything anyone could do to make him feel better. Finn had died thinking that Bellamy didn't want to spend the rest of his life with him. He had died with strangers around him. Bellamy felt nothing.

 

Bellamy went to the funeral. It was sunny outside and he felt too hot in the suit he had worn. Octavia looked beautiful in her dress and she cried when Bellamy didn't. Bellamy loved her for that, that she still cried in grief every time they lost him. Bellamy didn't. He didn't know how. He put his arms around her and tried to give her the comfort she needed. The casket was open and Finn was laid out, pale and tinted blue inside. He was wearing a suit Bellamy had never seen before and to his right he saw the parents he never got to meet. Mrs Collins was sobbing into a handkerchief and Mr Collins had a grim look on his face, but Bellamy could see the grief in his eyes, too big for words. It felt familiar to him.

He didn't stick around for the wake. The minute the casket was lowered into the ground and people started saying their goodbyes Bellamy turned around and left, Octavia right behind him. They didn't say one word to each other on the way home and when they got there Bellamy immediately started packing.

"You're allowed to grieve, you know," Octavia said quietly to him as she watched him throw his stuff into the open suitcase that was laying on the bed.

"What's the point?" Bellamy said roughly, and emptied an entire drawer into the case. "He'll come back. I just have to wait." He felt extremely hollow as he said it, and he didn't look Octavia in the eyes.

"They're still different people."

"I know, O. Okay?" Bellamy bristled. "I fucking know that he's not just on some vacation and will be back in a few years. I know he's dead." His voice broke and he hid his face in his hands. Octavia came up to him and put his hand on his arm, and Bellamy fell into his sister's embrace and pulled her close. Still, he didn't cry. But now Bellamy had the sneaking and terrifying suspicion that once he started he wouldn't be able to stop.

 

He left not soon after that. Left selling the apartment to Octavia and she met up with him in Dubai a few days later. Now they just had to wait.

 

-

 

"Mister, could you hand me that, please?"

The déjà vu hits him so fast Bellamy that he can't move. He sees the kid standing in front of him, careful, toothy smile and he sees the ball in front of him. But there was no tug in his heart when he lifted his head and locked eyes with the kid. It wasn't Finn and Bellamy felt himself relax instantly.

"Here," he said with a smile and reached out to hand the boy the ball. The smile on the boys face grew and they stared at each other for a while before they heard a voice call out.

"David, where are you?"

The boy turned around and waved to, what Bellamy presumed was, his parents. "Over here. I lost my ball."

The mother reached them first and she bent down to embrace her son. Long, dark brown hair cascaded down her back and muffled her son's protest.

"What have I told you about running away without telling us where you're going?" she said and ignored David's futile attempts in getting free. "You had me, and your father, worried."

Bellamy, who had been busy staring at the mother and son in front of him jumped slightly when a shadow fell over him. He looked up and with a muted whine felt the hook set into his heart once more. Finn was standing over him, looking beautiful as always, and he was looking at Bellamy with slight wonder. Bellamy felt a jolt course through his body and he jumped up from the bench he sat on.

FInn reached out his hand without a second thought and Bellamy shook it vehemently. "Bellamy," he introduced himself and hoped that Finn didn't saw the blush covering his cheeks.

"I'm Finn," Finn said and wrapped an arm around the woman next to him. "This is my wife, Raven."

Raven nodded toward him and looked at her husband with a questioning look in her eyes. Bellamy tried to ignore the sound of his heart breaking and smiled tightly at her.

"We should go, Finn," Raven said and placed a hand on Finn's arm. "David will be late for football practice."

Without taking his eyes off Bellamy Finn nodded and started to back away. "It was nice meeting you, Bellamy," he said as he turned around and then Bellamy was left standing alone.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "You too!"

 

It took everything Bellamy had not to walk after them, to see where they were going. Things were different this time around. Finn had already found the person he wanted to share the rest of his life with. Someone far better than Bellamy. Someone that would actually grow old with him. So instead of following he walked to the nearest pay phone and called his sister. She answered after a moment, sounding out of breath.

"What?"

Instead of reprimanding his sister about proper manners Bellamy just told her what he had called for.

"He's married."

"Bellamy? Is that you?"

Bellamy rolled his eyes. "No, it's the pope. Who the fuck else would I be, O?"

"Hey, don't be an asshole just because it takes centuries for you to call." She let out a grunt and Bellamy sighed loudly into the phone. "Yeah, sorry, fuck. Lincoln can you get off me for a moment?"

There was rustling on the other end and the distinctive sound of a door closing. "Okay, now I can talk."

"Lincoln?" Bellamy asked, "Is this the one?"

Octavia snorted. "Yeah, for the next ten years at least."

"You're such a romantic," Bellamy muttered and leaned against the dirty glass wall. He couldn't help but smile though. His sister was so restless and couldn't stay in one place for very long. Of course that could mean a lifetime for some.

"Well, we can't all have that one person we chase around for centuries," Octavia said casually. "So, he's married?"

Bellamy sobered up remarkably. "Yeah," he said dully. "Her name is Raven. They have a son."

The more he said it, the easier it would be to accept it. This wasn't his time to be with Finn. He had to accept it.

"You wanna come to Jamaica and spend the next thirty years on a beach with me?"

Bellamy let out a choked laugh. "I should, shouldn't I?" he asked and heard Octavia hum appreciatively on the other end.

"Yeah," she replied. "But you won't."

"I can't," Bellamy sighed. "I... can't explain it, but I need to be here. I need to see that he's happy at least."

"Bellamy, you just said he is. He has a family. You don't have to go around punishing yourself."

"I'm not, Octavia," Bellamy interrupted.

"But you are!" Octavia exclaimed. "You go around, waiting for Finn to show up, live with him for a few years until he either dies or you leave him, and then you wait for it to happen all over again."

Bellamy let her words sink in, new that she was right, and closed his eyes with a deep sigh. He opened them and watched the people walk by for a few seconds before clearing his throat.

"I'll keep in touch, okay?"

He heard Octavia sigh. "Yeah, sure."

 

The coffee shop Bellamy visited to eat his lunch was usually packed by the time he got there, but in some miraculous way he had gotten out of a meeting early. The coffee shop was almost empty aside from an elderly couple having a cup of coffee before the lunch rush. Bellamy ordered his usual before sitting down at a table in front of the window. His food arrived and he dug out a book from his briefcase and lost himself between the pages.

There's a slight cough from someone in front of him and when he looked up he nearly dropped his book. Bellamy should've known. They always found a way to meet, whether they tried to or not. Why would this time be any different?

"Hi," Finn said with an awkward smile. "Bellamy... right? We met the other day?"

Bellamy straightened his back. "Yes, I remember. Finn..."

Finn smiled widely and gripped the chair in front of him. "Look," he said and scratched the back of his neck. "Would it be alright if I joined you?" He made a sweeping motion over the café and Bellamy was surprised to see that it was packed with people.

"Sure," Bellamy said and ignored the heat that flared inside of him. Finn sat down on the chair in front of him and Bellamy cleared his throat awkwardly as their knees knocked into each other.

They sat like that for a while, knees bumping and eyes met. Finn told him that he worked further down the street and Bellamy's heart broke slightly when he realised that they had been working next to each other for almost five years. If only he had looked a bit harder he might've found Finn before he met Raven. He bit his tongue and chose instead to tell Finn about his trip to Paris the year before.

"I should hurry back," Finn said suddenly. "My break was over a while ago."

He was gone before Bellamy had time to say goodbye, but when he looked down on the table between them he saw a phone number written on one of the napkins in a messy scrawl. Bellamy picked it up and carried it like he did his most treasured possessions. Because now it was.

Call me, it said. I'd love to do this again.

And they did. They developed something of a routine where Bellamy would walk to their café during lunch, grab a table and wait to order food until Finn arrived and sat down in front of him. They spent months doing only this and Bellamy learned everything there was to know about this Finn. Bellamy always loved to find the differences between all the Finn's he met through the years, but even more than that he loved to find the similarities. Like no matter which incarnation of Finn he met they all hated tomatoes, they were all allergic to peanuts and they loved dogs. Octavia, who was keeping in touch more now that Bellamy had found Finn again, told him he was insane.

 

Bellamy was running late. His meeting had gone on for longer than he had thought and now he only had a couple of minutes before Finn usually arrived to the coffee shop. He fished out his phone and pressed his speed dial. Finn answered after only a few seconds.

"Hey, dude, where are you? The place is packed!"

"My meeting ran late," Bellamy said and sighed in irritation. "I would've texted you but..."

He could hear Finn smile on the other end. "That's okay. Do you still wanna meet up for lunch?"

Bellamy checked his watch. "I'd love to, but I need to get back home to grab some files." He swore quietly under his breath and cursed his boss for not the first time that day.

"We could bring take out?"

Bellamy stopped. He could hear Finn breathing quietly on the other end and he wondered if Finn could hear his heart pound against his chest.

"Bellamy?"

Bellamy snapped out of his own head and coughed loudly. "Yeah, I mean... If you want to?"

There was a slight laugh on the other end. "Always."

Bellamy met Finn outside the the coffee shop, where he in some weird way already had managed to get chinese food, and together they grabbed a cab and went the short way to Bellamy's apartment. Their thighs touched the entire way and Bellamy would have described himself as a lovesick teenager sitting next to his crush in school, if it hadn't been for the fact that he never had gone to high school. Instead he gripped his thigh tightly to stop himself from bouncing his leg up and down, and when he accidentally brushed his fingers against the fabric of Finn's jeans he thought he heard the other man do a sharp inhale.

Finn whistled lowly when he stepped through the door and into the bright hallway. "Nice," he said and toed out of his shoes, which Bellamy found disgustingly adorable.

"This way," he said and lead Finn to the kitchen where they ate in silence. Finn's foot where constantly tapping against the floor until Bellamy found that he had had enough and he kicked him lightly under the table. That made Finn poke him with his chop sticks before he stole some of Bellamy's food. Bellamy would have been happy if it wasn't for the golden band around Finn's finger, reminding him that this moment wasn't really his to keep.

"You have a cool home," Finn said as he walked through the apartment to take a look. He was standing in front of the big windows in the living room looking out at the view. Bellamy was standing a few steps back and tried not to admire the view for himself. With a smile Finn turned around. "How long have you lived here?"

"A few years," Bellamy replied, so that he didn't have to tell him that he had owned this entire building for quite some time. It was much easier to stay in one place if there was no one around to ask questions, and the other people who lived there kept to themselves.

Finn walked up to him, and Bellamy kept talking to stop himself from doing something stupid. "I kinda like it, you know? It's close to work and I don't have to-"

He was interrupted by Finn's lips on his. Bellamy's words turned into a long moan as he opened up and let Finn take whatever he wanted. His hands reached up to tangle themselves into Finn's hair and without a second thought he pulled Finn closer. Finn gasped against his mouth, as if he was surprised and Bellamy broke the kiss in favour of biting his way down his jaw.

"I shouldn't do this," Finn whispered and Bellamy leaned his forehead against Finn's shoulder, because he couldn't stand to look Finn in the eye for this. "I know I should just... turn around and walk away, it's just... It's you."

Bellamy felt something thick lodge itself in his throat. "You can leave whenever you want," he said thickly, "I won't blame you."

Finn shook his head. "I don't think I can."

 

They fucked a lot, after that. It's always hurried and painful between lunch breaks and after Finn leaves David at football practice. Bellamy knew he should feel ashamed, ruining a marriage and all that, but every time he sinks into Finn he forgets everything but Finn. Bellamy was aware of the fact that this would probably end sad, the fact that his chest hurt every time they met only furthered his beliefs, but somehow he still couldn't walk away.

"You're selfish," Octavia said when he told her this. "You're selfish and you're so wrapped up in this notion that he belongs to you, that you don't care who you hurt."

There was nothing Bellamy could do but silently agree and Octavia told him to come to Jamaica once more, that he could be happy there. Bellamy said no. Octavia hung up.

Finn came over later that night, without warning. "Raven took David to visit her mother," he said and smiled brilliantly. "I still had work, so I couldn't come with."

Bellamy watched him in slight wonder as Finn brushed past him and dropped a bag on the floor. He turned around with a wicked grin and pulled Bellamy close. "You're mine for the weekend," he said fondly and kissed him gently on the lips.

They spent most of their weekend together in bed, with Finn mapping out every inch of Bellamy's body with his mouth. He sunk into Bellamy more times than Bellamy could count and each time he picked Bellamy apart, piece by piece. Bellamy is scared. Scared that the body on top of him felt so much like home and that it wasn't. Finn didn't belong to him, Octavia was right. It didn't stop him from curling up against him every time they came together though. It didn't stop him from loving him more and more each day.

"I think I love you," Finn whispered, every time, mouth against his throat and Bellamy choked back tears.

"Don't," he replied.

 

He packed his bags and met up with Octavia the week after, his only goodbye being a text saying I love you too from a phone he tossed in the trash.

 

-

 

It was almost incredible, how certain things happened almost by accident. Bellamy had almost missed him, had only been at that part of the hospital because he needed Dr Green to sign off on some paperwork. He cast a quick glance into the open rooms and nearly dropped his files when he felt the hook set again. The room was filled with people surrounding the bed. Bellamy craned his neck to see which one of them was Finn.

He didn't really know how to react when he caught a glimpse of the frail, old man laying in the bed and saw Finn staring back. It made Bellamy both confused and sad at the same time, seeing as Finn was obviously not here on a short visit but to live his last days as well as possible. Bellamy swallowed, took a deep breath and kept walking. He didn't remember what happened after that, but he got the signatures he needed so he supposed it didn't matter.

The day after he stopped by Finn's room again to get a better look at him. His usual mop of long, brown, curly hair was gone. Instead there was short, grey hair covering his head. He had deep lines stretching across his face and a feeling of utter peace surrounding him. Long fingers stretched across the pages of a book and flipped the page. On one finger he wore a wedding ring and Bellamy felt a lump form in his throat. He wasn't surprised though. Or sad. He wanted nothing more than for Finn to be happy.

Bellamy coughed quietly and Finn's head snapped up.

"Hello," he said with a wide smile. "Are you my new doctor?"

Bellamy couldn't help but smiling back. "No," he said, in which Finn immediately interrupted him.

"Good," he said with amusement. "Save your medical expertise for someone who's not about to die."

He said it with such peace that Bellamy really couldn't feel bad for him. This Finn had lived long enough to be satisfied with the fact that his life would soon end. Feeling confident enough, Bellamy walked into the room and up to Finn's bed. "Would you mind if I sat here for a while?" he asked and Finn shook his head.

"Not at all," he replied. "I could do with some company that isn't bored teenagers or doctors that are actually here to examine me."

Bellamy gave out a short laugh and leaned back as he sat down in the chair. He stared at Finn for a while and wondered how he could have been so late this time. How Finn could have lived a whole lifetime without Bellamy being able to find him. In the same city as well.

Finn studied Bellamy curiously, like there was something new and intriguing about the man in front of him and it made Bellamy shift slightly in his chair. "So," he said finally. "Why did you come here Dr Blake?"

"Call me Bellamy," Bellamy replied instantly, and a fond smile appeared on Finn's face.

"Well, alright then," was all he said.

There was a slight cough behind Bellamy and he turned around to see an older woman stand in the doorway. She had pale blonde, wavy hair and piercing blue eyes. She looked suspiciously at the two of them as she walked into the room. Her gaze was focused, but warm, and Bellamy suspected she was the favourite grandparent amongst the grandchildren he had seen running around in the room sometimes. She had that look about her.

"Oh, Bellamy," Finn said as he reached out his hand to grasp the woman's hand in a firm grip. He looked at her with eyes filled with years of love and adoration. "This is my wife, Clarke."

Clarke gave him a polite smile, which Bellamy returned earnestly. "It's good to meet you," he said and shook her hand. Clarke nodded her head once and replied that it was nice to meet the man her husband had talked so much about. It made Bellamy blush slightly, but he ignored it and got up from the chair he had been sitting in.

"I'll let the two of you be alone for once," he said and touched Finn's shoulder in a goodbye.

As he got to the door Finn called out to him. "I wouldn't mind you stopping by from time to time, Bellamy."

 

"How does that even work?" Octavia asked as she took a big bite of her apple. Bellamy was momentarily distracted by the juice running down her fingers and handed her a napkin without blinking. "I mean," Octavia continued, as she heavily rolled her eyes, "You're not... seriously, you can't be thinking about sleeping with him, right?"

A loud snort escaped Bellamy and he looked at his sister with a mixture of annoyance and distaste. "Not everything is about sex, you know. Oh, no, you don't know," he added sarcastically and Octavia threw the rest of her apple at him.

"Shut up, asshole," Octavia grumbled, "You know what I mean."

"I do," Bellamy said fondly. He thought about what he wanted to say for a few moments, before opening his mouth. "I just want to spend time with him, to be honest. I mean, he's married and has a family. He loves them. I'm not trying to get in between that. I'll be his friend."

Octavia poured herself a cup of coffee as she sat on the counter, letting her legs dangle in the air. "How is he?" she asked. "Is he a grumpy old man?

"He's dying, O. I just want to be there for him these last few days... Weeks, hopefully."

Octavia looked at him thoughtfully and looked almost sympathetic. "It must suck," she said. "Finding him just as he's about to die, I mean."

After giving it a bit of thought, Bellamy shook his head. "I don't mind," he said slowly. "I mean, I'm obviously not happy that he's going to die, but... This time I can actually be there for him, you know? In the end..."

He trailed off and thought back to the brief conversation he had had with Finn earlier that day. About the warmth he had seen in the other man, the adoration and love he seemed to live with. "He's amazing."

Octavia looked at him strangely, like she didn't quite understand her brother.

Bellamy thought back to a night, hundreds of years ago, when Octavia had come home drunk and slumped down on the couch with a forlorn look on her face. She had looked up at Bellamy with huge eyes before mumbling quietly, "Bel, is there something wrong with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I never," she started and bit her lip. "I never feel what you feel. With Finn. Why can't I..." She had trailed off in a whisper and Bellamy had found it hard to find the proper words. Just as he had opened his mouth he cast a glance at her and saw that she had passed out on the couch. They had never mentioned it since.

Bellamy wondered if she still felt that way.

"Bel?"

Bellamy snapped out of his memories and looked at Octavia. "What?" he asked and Octavia rolled her eyes.

"Nothing," she said dramatically. "Just your poor sister, trying to have a deep and serious conversation with you."

Bellamy reached out his hand and ruffled Octavia's hair with a roll of his eyes. She batted his hand away with a huff and looked at him expectantly. "How's Nyko?" he said instead.

"He buys me a fuckton of stuff," Octavia replied casually. "And he has a really big dick, so that's always a plus."

"Always the one for class," Bellamy snorted.

Octavia grinned widely. "Don't you know it, dear brother."

 

Bellamy didn't know how, but somehow he started spending all his free time in Finn's tiny room. At first it was stilted and sort of awkward, but once they got to know each other conversation flowed easily between them.

Clarke was constantly by his side. In another life Bellamy thought he might have liked her.

His room was always filled with people. Relatives and friends wanting to say goodbye before it was too late, and Bellamy barely had time to talk to Finn the following days. One night he arrived at Finn's room and was surprised to find it empty of people. The realisation that he could spend time alone with made him awkwardly stay in the doorway, tugging at the hem of his shirt. Seeing as he had finished his shift a few minutes earlier he had opted to change out of his scrubs and was now wearing a soft brown sweater and jeans.

"Dr. Blake," Finn said with a smile where he laid on the bed. "How are you this evening?"

Bellamy smiled toward him and entered the room. "I'm just fine. How are you?"

"Oh, you know, living my last days in a hospital bed," Finn said casually. "Same old."

Bellamy tried not to acknowledge the pain he felt as he knew Finn was right. He didn't have a lot of time left, if any at all. He sat down in the uncomfortable chair next to Finn's bed and gave him a fond smile.

"You know what I've said about you talking like that," he said sternly. "Who am I going to spend time with if you're not here?"

"Oh, some dashing young man," Finn said with a twinkle in his eyes. "You'll stay up all night talking, and he'll kiss you when you least expect it. And when you ask why he did it he'll say 'Because I think I love you' and then he will kiss you again. That's a much better thing to do than spend all your time with this dying old man."

There was a lump in Bellamy's throat and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Not because it was something he wanted, but because he'd already had it. Just the way Finn described. With Finn. It was as if Finn had plucked a memory from Bellamy's brain and told it in perfect detail. Bellamy cleared his throat awkwardly and gave Finn a shaky smile.

"Sounds like a load of crap," he said lightly. "Besides, I don't have much of a social life in the first place."

Finn laughed, which quickly turned into a loud coughing fit. Bellamy got up from his chair to help out, but Finn waved him off. "It's no use, son," he wheezed out. He had this fond look on his face like a father would look at a child.

"You know, for someone who is so content with the thought of dying you sure manage to stay alive long," Bellamy said with a teasing smile and Finn let out a laugh once more.

"I seem to take an awfully long time dying, yes," he said. "This damn cancer doesn't want to let go of me. But I suppose I'm not that upset. I would've missed your terrible sense of humor if I had died a few days ago."

"That is awfully true," Bellamy grinned.

 

One evening when the hospital laid silent and still, for once, Bellamy made his way over to Finn's room. The night staff sat at their desk and waved politely to him as he walked by. Bellamy's shift had ended hours earlier, and he wasn't even sure what had made him stay behind that long. With silent steps he made his way to Finn's room. He stayed in the doorway, as he always did, and looked at Finn in the bed in front of him.

All of a sudden he was filled with the conviction that this was the night that Finn would die. He didn't know how he knew, but the minute the thought entered his brain it was as if everything made sense. The reason he stayed so late. Why he waited a few hours to come over, instead of just visiting straight away.

"Bellamy," Finn said warmly as Bellamy approached the bed.

"I need to tell you something," he said slowly. "And I need you to just... let me talk, okay? Until I'm done."

Finn, who had been scratching his wrist, looked at Bellamy curiously. Without saying anything he just nodded, and waited for Bellamy to start.

"I know you might not believe me," Bellamy said quietly as he watched Finn's chest slowly rise and fall. "But I love you. I've loved you for so long, Finn, and I wish there was a way for you to remember."

Bellamy talked for what felt like hours. He told Finn everything, from their first meeting to their last kiss to every heartbreak he had gone through every lifetime since he had met him.

"And the worst part is that I know you'll never remember how much I really do love you. How long I've loved no one but you, but I just had to tell you. Just this once. Okay?"

He looked up from where Finn's hand laid intertwined with his own

"Thank you," Finn whispered with a peaceful smile on his face, "For telling me." He drew a last, heavy breath and his eyes lost their focus.

Bellamy smiled slightly, eyes blank. "I'll see you soon," he whispered.

 

-

You'd think that someone who's over a thousand years old, would've learned to stay on their feet by now. Still, someone knocked into Bellamy and he found himself on the ground. He groaned loudly as his elbow hit the ground. A tall shadow covered his face and he squinted up at the man who had knocked him down. The hook set in his heart, and Bellamy couldn't help but smile. He had missed him so much!

Finn stared at him, mouth slightly agape. A prickling sensation spread over Bellamy's neck, and he squirmed uncomfortably under Finn's gaze. Realising Bellamy was still on the ground Finn held out a cautious hand and pulled Bellamy up on his feet.

"I'm so sorry," he said and automatically touched Bellamy to make sure he was okay. "I'm not usually this... well, yeah, actually I am this clumsy. Fall over wherever I go, usually take someone with me in the process. And I'm rambling, I'm sorry."

Bellamy shook his head with an amused smile. "Don't worry about it."

He was firmly aware of the fact that Finn was still resting his hands on Bellamy's upper arms. With a pointed look at Finn he jumped back with a faint blush on his cheeks, though that might've just been from the cold. He seemed a lot warmer these days, more relaxed.

"I'm going to that coffee shop over there," Bellamy said slowly and motioned to a shop across the street. "Do you want to join me?"

"Oh," Finn said and his face fell. He held up a cup of coffee. "I just..."

Bellamy smiled. "It's okay," he said. "It was just an offer-"

"Hell no," Finn replied loudly. He turned around and dumped his coffee in the trash, then turned back to Bellamy with a wide smile. "I have nowhere to be, and now I'm out of coffee."

As they crossed the street Finn got a thoughtful look on his face and stated clearly. "I'm Finn."

"Bellamy," Bellamy replied with a nod of his head.

A small smile searched its way onto Finn's lips. "Huh, I never would've guessed."

 

There wasn't much time spent without Finn after that. Bellamy didn't know how, but Finn seemed to have completely accepted the fact that they were friends and would call Bellamy at all hours of the day with nothing particularly important to tell him.

Bellamy often caught Finn staring at him, as if he was some big secret he was trying to uncover. It made him slightly nervous, as there was so many things Finn actually could find out that, but he never asked him why he was staring. There was also that feeling that Finn knew something and was only waiting for the right time to actually tell him.

One time when they were having lunch together they ran into one of Finn's exes and they spent a devastatingly embarrassing ten minutes talking to him. Finn was a stumbling mess, eyes flicking back and forth between Bellamy and Josh, Josh his name was Josh, what a fucking stupid name, face redder than a tomato. That was also how Bellamy found out Finn was gay.

"I've always been, you know? No one ever did anything to me and I didn't choose to be gay," Finn had rambled on for about five minutes until an amused Bellamy had put a hand on his arm to tell him that he really didn't care and, yes, he was gay as well.

"Oh," Finn replied, blush still in full force. "Good."

Good. That was it.  _Good._ Bellamy didn't know what that meant. Still, Finn became much more affectionate after that. There was always an arm slung around Bellamy's shoulders, hand on his arm, a pat on his leg. It drove Bellamy slightly mad, while he soaked it all up like a starving child.

Octavia, who was spending her weeks in Paris and weekends in New York, seeing as it barely took an hour to travel these days, told him he was crazy.

"It'll only hurt more when it's time to leave," she said quietly, and Bellamy marveled at the fact that his sister hadn't given up on him yet. That she still fought for him, for his happiness. "You should just... I don't know, Bel, stay away?"

Bellamy shook his head, and could see Octavia groan visibly on the screen in front of him. "It's different this time," he assured her. "I don't know how, but I know it."

"You've said that before," Octavia replied gently. "You always say it. It's never true."

"O," Bellamy interrupted. "I've said this before as well. I'm staying. You know that I won't leave."

Octavia sighed visibly, but Bellamy could see the grin on her face. "I know," she replied casually. "You're a fucking idiot, Bellamy Blake, but I guess I have to live with that."

"You really do," Bellamy agreed. "For fucking ever, I believe."

"Please, kill me." Octavia rolled her eyes. "Okay, gotta go, big bro. Got lots and lots of guys to seduce tonight."

Bellamy held up his hand with a pained expression on his face. "Doesn't matter how many times I hear it, it still grosses me out," he replied and he could see her vibrant laugh as the screen faded to black.

"Was that your sister?"

Bellamy spun around and saw Finn stand barefoot in the doorway. He had been spending the better part of that weekend in Bellamy's apartment since, as Finn quoted it, ' _It was fucking awesome_ '. They had spent it watching old movies and tossing popcorn at each other when the other wasn't looking. 

Bellamy smiled widely. "You're awake," he said warmly and got out of his chair. "I thought you were going to sleep forever."

"Not my fault," Finn retorted with a hint of a smile, "You're the one who forced me to watch all of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings in one go."

"Those movies are classics," Bellamy said immediately.

"Barely," Finn bit back, now smiling fully.

Stopping dead in his tracks Bellamy turned around and looked at Finn with disbelief. "I can't believe you," he said scandalously, "I can't believe  _myself_ for falling for your pretty boy charm when you clearly have no taste whatsoever."

"At least I'm pretty," Finn smirked, and Bellamy realised he had said too much.

"You already knew that," he muttered.

Finn stretched slightly. "Yeah, well, I didn't know that you'd fallen for it," he said smugly. "Makes me wanna know what else you haven't told me."

Something cold spread through Bellamy's veins and the good mood he had been in seemed to fade. "You hungry?" he grumbled quietly and Finn seemed to immediately notice that something was wrong.

"No," he said quietly. "I'm fine."

 

It all ended with a fight. It had been going on for quite a while, and somewhere along the way they had forgotten what they were fighting about, choosing instead to bring up every little thing that had ever bothered them. Finn was pushing all of Bellamy's buttons, buttons he didn't even know he still had. And after a especially vicious comment Bellamy couldn't take it anymore.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna listen to this," Bellamy bit out and turned toward the door.

"You can't be serious," Finn gaped. "Something doesn't go exactly like planned and you're gone?"

"Yeah, I fucking am," Bellamy snarled and tore his jacket away from the chair. He pulled it on and made his way through Finn's small apartment. The rage was blinding him, making it impossible for him to think straight. All he knew was that he fucked up, Finn fucked up and that this was sure to be the last time he saw him this life time.

"You can't leave me again."

Bellamy froze. He turned around to face a pale Finn, who was gripping the counter almost painfully. His lips were quivering.

"Again?" Bellamy asked.

They didn't move, and as the seconds passed Bellamy felt as if his whole world was slowly turning upside down. Because he couldn't have heard what he imagined he had.

When Finn finally spoke, his voice was a deep "You know, for so long I thought that I was crazy," he said lowly. "I would have these vivd dreams. About me. And I would do all of these things. The strange part though was that it wasn't really me doing them. I mean, it was me, but it wasn't. It was as if I was dreaming about all these other past lives I had lived..." He trailed off and cast a quick glance at Bellamy, who felt his heart trying to burst out of his chest. "Except that they weren't dreams, they were real. And there was always this man with me. Loving me..."

He stopped talking and looked at Bellamy earnestly. "I'm sure you know who I'm talking about," he said finally.

Bellamy couldn't speak. All his thoughts swirled around in his head, making him dizzy with want, love and pain. "You remember me?" he said, and he had never felt so small. Finn nodded.

"I remember everything now. All the things we did, what we went through." Finn wasn't looking at him, just stared down at the counter top while he chewed nervously on his lip. After a while he looked up at Bellamy with blank eyes. "You just left me." He was quiet for a while, and Bellamy just stared at him with a mix of wonder and heartbreak spreading through his veins.

"Broke my heart a few times as well."

Bellamy stirred at that. "I couldn't just stay," he objected. "You were dying, over and over, while I stayed exactly the same."

A broken laugh snuck past Finn's lips. "I've waited eighty years for you to find me, Bellamy," Finn said roughly. "I've stayed like this, exactly the same, for a lifetime."

"That's impossible," Bellamy breathed. "You... you always-"

"Die?" Finn filled in. "Not anymore. Nearly did a few times, but I always came back."

Everything in Bellamy's head was spinning, slowly rearranging everything he knew to be true. Finn waited patiently for him to make sense of everything he had told him before continuing.

"My parents made me talk to someone when I was fourteen." he chuckled slightly. "Apparently I was too stuck inside my own head. It didn't help that I kept telling everyone that a man would find me." A small smile played on Bellamy's lips and Finn looked at him with thinly veiled affection. "You should've told me."

Bellamy stared at him, lips slightly parted.

"I couldn't just go up to you and say 'Hey, I know you don't remember me, but I'm immortal and, by the way, we're supposed to fall in love'," he objected. "You would've issued a restraining order against me." **  
**

"But you did tell me," Finn interrupted. "A hundred and two years ago, you told me everything." He paused and looked at Bellamy curiously. "Why did you?"

That was a very good question, seeing as Bellamy had never really figured out what made him tell Finn that night. He knew why he had wanted to do it, but he hadn't known that he was gonna do it until he knew for sure that Finn wasn't going to survive. "I had to tell you," he replied quietly. "At least once."

Finn only nodded, as if he had already figured that out and anger spread through Bellamy's veins like wildfire. "You knew who I was the minute you saw me," he said sharply. "You knew, and still you didn't tell me." 

"Bellamy," Finn sighed. "Shut up!"

And with that he kissed him. It wasn't nice, or perfect or romantic but it was the realest thing that had happened in Bellamy's long, long life. Whatever split anger he had felt vanished and there was nothing on his mind but Finn. He felt himself relax and pulled Finn closer, as close as he possibly could. 

As he broke the kiss a thought entered his mind. "Fuck, Octavia is going to freak out!"


End file.
